An Observational Study of the Animal Species of Characters in “A Goofy Movie”
Goofy is a dog, his son Max is also a dog. Goofy is really ugly and doesn’t really look like a dog at all. But Max is mildly good-looking so we assume his mother was pretty hot. Our other theory is that Goofy reproduced asexually and Max budded off of him like a plant.
Goofy and Max live together in a suburban bachelor pad. Max’s mother never appears in any of the movies, supporting the asexual reproduction theory. They live in a town with other dogs. Goofy works at a pharmacy taking pictures of baby dogs. His boss is a huge and fat bulldog named Pete who is abusive and insane. Max goes to a high school with other dogs like Pauly Shore and Pete’s obese son, P.J. or “Peej.”
All of the dogs at Max’s high school listen to this African American hip-hop artist dog named “Power Line,” who wears a jumpsuit with shoulder pads and has lightning bolts buzzed on the side of his dog head.
Anyway, the point is, Max and Goofy go on a surprise road trip and start singing in a musical with other people on the high way. A dog woman featured in this musical scene had like 40 cats in her car. Pet cats.
But there’s more. They actually drive past Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, as they are hitchhiking together. That means at some point in the movie a self-aware dog woman with 40 pet cats in her car drives past a self-aware mouse man and duck man. Both wear clothes. What about the cats? What about the possums at that creepy possum theater? They were wild possums. But these human-sized dog people were paying money to take pictures with these regular-sized possums. For some reason dogs are the dominant species in this region of Disneyspace.
Another interesting observation: Bigfoot. Bigfoot was portrayed as a retarded chimpish monkey creature with super strength. Kind of like Lenny in Of Mice and Men. What’s up with that? Dogs are humanoids but Bigfoot is the dummy?
Phoebe’s Reincarnation Goals
1. DO IT. Just do it.
2. Become a really cool animal. Examples:
-bird (flight wth!)
-deep undersea creature (anemone, coral, octopus, those fish with really sharp teeth and glowing proboscises that help them lure tinier fish, etc.)
-flying squirrel (NOT SLOTH)
-Dik-Dik (this weird little deer that rubs its eyes on trees and rocks and stuff to mark its territory with this weird secretion that COMES OUT OF ITS EYES. Hell yeah.)
-Disney creature (lots of fun)
3. Get reincarnated to a new planet/world/DIMENSION
4. Have omniscient knowledge of who you were in past lives.
She looks like a twelve year old six year old.
Phoebe’s good friend Katie Gatski, describing how old she thought some girl looked.
Phoebe's Friend RasTrick, The Misinformation Hotline
Question: I've heard a lot about this musical called 'Le Mes' or something. What's it about? How do you even pronounce it?
TMH: It's pronounced "Lays Mizz-er-ahb-laze." It's about a race of French sewer people.
This movie kind of starts out slow, but then it’s all downhill after that. Downhill like fun downhill, like on a roller coaster. Not that sad downhill. It’s like a roller coaster. This is just the ride uphill, but it’s taking a long time because we’re going into space.
Phoebe on “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home”
yes. wercome to phoebes’ bathrooms.
What Phoebe’s boyfriend searches on El Goog.
Phoebe Anticipates Tomorrow's Sleepover at Phoebe's House
Phoebe: i miss living with you all the time
i get bored without you
phoebe i am so glad we are friends
i think you are the coolest
Phoebe: yOU ARE THE COOLEST
Phoebe: and yeah, we always have fun together
like no matter what we do, it's at least moderately fun
moderately to extremely fun
Phoebe’s ultimate nightmarathon.